OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
as a side note pls kill me
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