All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sober January is a disaster.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
