So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
