can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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