Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
