what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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