just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
