glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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