Girls should come with a carfax report
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
