just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
