I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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