Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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