Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't deserve a penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
