.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
