HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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