obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize