But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
