i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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