you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you traded sex for a burrito?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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