My first STD was from a foam party
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just pee around me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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