textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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