She is in my trunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
