I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You ruined the universe
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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