we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
