y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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