His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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