But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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