Umm I'm too high to move.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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