I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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