dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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