I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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