So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cannot find my penis.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
