my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
