When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
