Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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