NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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