Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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