Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
