Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
