Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
