I got chris browned last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
