I can text with my tongue
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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