Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
