I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
