Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
