So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
