My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
