Pants 0. Shit 1.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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