She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
