I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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