I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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