I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
