I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
