I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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