I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
