Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
