4 words: hood of his car
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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