Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
