can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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