More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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