I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
