btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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