That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
