The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
