There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
