Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
