found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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