How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
