Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
