am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
