Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
