Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
