i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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