Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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