Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
