woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
