I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
