i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
