sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
